Still Beats The Day Job

10:30
Get up.

11:30
Get up again. Stumble downstairs and head straight to the computer with a direct purpose. I switch it on.

11:31
Take a Bukowski into the toilet and take a shit.

11:48
Leave the bathroom.

11:50
Check emails. Nothing. From no one.

11:51
Check junk mail.

11:52
Reply to “Liz”; “Nicole”; “Rachel” and inform them that while their photos may induce a “raging hard-on of epic proportions” I am not inspired enough by their pathetic grammar and poor syntax to spend twenty-four ninety-nine to see their “gaping wide pussies”.

11:56
I log onto youporn.

11:58
I reach for the tissues.

12:10
I walk into the kitchen and heat up some croissants and begin to make coffee.

12:11
Where are the Cheerio’s?

12:37
Open up the future best-seller, “Rolling Fields”.

12:38
Tools; Word Count; 72, 378

12:39
Smile and pat myself on the back.

13:42
Tools; Word Count; 72, 423

13:47
Log onto youporn.

14:08
Read an article on the escalating situation in Afghanistan. Realise that the determination to rule over the country on/off for over two hundred years is more insidious and dangerous than the IED's. Feel compelled to write a devastatingly insightful piece that will change the West's direction.

14:10
Log onto youporn.

14:25
Mentally lock my eyes onto the screen of my work.

14:26
Open up the nearest book to me. Amis. Junior. Read.

14:37
Start writing once more.

15:21
Tools; Word Count; 72, 713

15:22
Go to bed.

17:18
Wake up.

17:19
Back on computer.

17:21
In the kitchen. More coffee.

17:34
Go to the Guardian online.

17:56
Do a Google image search on; “Elizabeth Wurtzel nude”.

18:07
Realise that the Internet is not helping with the writing and I should never have unlocked the parental controls.

18:09
Reach for tissues.

18:11
Disconnect the Internet and put on the television. Must have white noise.

18:21
Make some quick pasta dish.

18:31
Watch Television. The local news. Nah, not enough catastrophe. National news instead. My eyes glaze over. Its only for a couple of minutes anyway.

22:04
Shit!

22:05
Back on the computer.

22:45
Tools; Word Count; 72, 917

22:46
Reconnect the Internet.

22:48
Check emails. Nothing.

22:50
Log onto youporn.

23:05
Newsnight.

23:31
Masturbate.

23:45
Bed.




Copyright of Christopher Alexander Simpson